Express and explore

I am nervous...why?

why do I feel uneasy about going home? 

why do I feel unsettled as to what the future holds?

why am I fighting to stay in a place of love and not fear in my friendships?

I want to cry...

why do I suddenly feel depressed and like crying?

my hope is in You, Lord.

I wait for You...long for You.

I don't want to leave Hawaii...leave this safe place where I didn't have to deal with other things...

Something tells me I am being unrealistic...

but I must express

and what is it that I am tired of?

I am tired of fighting...

I don't want to loose this budding creativity inside. I want to explore...I must explore

or else put me inside a box and keep me there...but I don't want to be hidden...

I wasn't meant to be hidden

so I must express and explore.

God, it is You and me. The rawness of You and me.

Limitless One, my very Best Friend.

Take these thoughts, take control, mold me.

Hawaii Visit!

I am sitting in my brother's living room. Gazing out the large open windows I have a 180 degree view of the beaches of Oahu near Honolulu and it is breathtaking! Directly in the center is a huge crater. This morning I took a short walk along a mountain ridge that overlooks the ocean. While walking it started raining and the light cool showers mixing with the warm island breeze was incredibly refreshing. :) I feel so blessed to be here! 

What?! Did I Just Get Offered a Job??

It was a Sunday evening at the beginning of June. My friend Mandy and I decided to stop by and see some of our friends who were eating at a local Thai restaurant. As soon as we entered, another friend, Pieter introduced me to a girl whom I later discovered is the daughter of the owners of the Thai restaurant. As soon as she found out that I was planning on going to Thailand this Fall, she immediately suggested that I come in sometime and she could help me learn Thai! I was really excited because this was something that I had been wanting for awhile. But this wasn't all! Curious as to when I should come in, I asked her what time during the week she was free. Without hesitation she asked me if I was busy on the weekends and said that she could offer me a job during Friday and Saturday evenings. The whole time I was thinking, "Am I hearing correctly? Did she just offer me a job?!" Yes...she did and two Saturdays later I was helping to serve drinks, seat people and learning how to say "hello" and "thank you" in Thai! This was yet another one of those little confirmations that God has been given me that yes, He is preparing to send me to Thailand! 

The Story Behind the Name

Welcome to my blog!! Seeing as I love to write and I want to keep in touch with many of you, I thought that I should start one :). For those of you who are wondering why I chose the title that I did...here is the story.

In the summer of 2007, a couple of my close friends and I were up in the high school room at Grace. While we were spending time praying, one of my friends turned to me and said that she had this picture of me in two places. The first was a cave and inside the cave a gentle rain was falling. I was there inside this place of shelter and it was very refreshing. Outside the cave or shelter, she saw another place, a dry and scorched land where the overwhelming feeling was of despair and of giving up. It is a place where I come to the conclusion of "oh well" in ministry and relationships. But she also saw a bridge between these two places and the bridge represented trust and invitation. After describing this to me, she shared that she believed that Jesus wants me to take others into the shelter with me, to explore the tunnels in this cave. I wrote in my journal, "Janie, it is time to let them in. There is to be no more hiding in the cave and living in the desert. I want you to abide in the shelter of My presence always, let My Spirit refresh you and go deeper with Jesus. Bring others with you." 

And this is what I desire to do. Recently God has again been speaking to me of coming out of hiding and "proclaiming from the housetops" so to speak what He has and is whispering in my ear. I want you to be able to join me as I go deeper into the cave. He is my Shelter and Rain...and this is the name that describes who I am in Him.

Psalm 91:1